LEARNING TO VALUE YOUR ANGER
To identify what's happening when people feel specific emotions. For instance when we say we're angry, what is occuring? What are the situations that call forth an anger response and how does that anger address what's happening? How does anger support or impede us? And what is anger's purpose?
HOW DOES ANGER WORK? HOW DOES MY EMOTIONS WORK?
Over the years, I have asked that question of all my emotions (WHY), not in regards to how you or I may feel in our bodies (that is unique to each person), or how they look but in regards to what they do (facial expressions of emotionss are not reliable signals.) What work do your emaotions do, and what can you accomplish with their help? And how can you engage with them directly once you understand how they work?
They purpose of anger for instance is, to help us identify what's important to you and help clear set clear and effective boundaries around the things you value( and around yourself). Whether your anger arises at the soft level of peevishness or frustration, or at the intense level of bitterness or hostility, your anger is about boundaries.
I had to ask myself a few questions. Why do (did) get so angry? What must be protected? What must be restored? I've been thinking about this a great deal. For many people including myself "Anger: is tied up with violence in some way either, violence towards others when anger is expressed carelessly--or violence towards themselves. When anger is expressed and they refuse to speak up or set bouondaries for themselves.
Anger is a way to translate sadness into something powerful. This is why a guys are very comfortable with anger, but what they're really saying is I can translate fear or sadness into something that gives me power. so that's your secondary emotion, anger is really and expression of a boundary violation that we've violated within ourselvs or someone's violated but that's where people go comfortabley.
The protection question seemed to engage that violence , which is why (I) or people couldn't undrstand ( or even see) The restoration question it didn't compute to me (them).
Identifying what (I) you value. What must be protected and what must restored?
After having many converstations with myself, my mentors and family member's what I have been finding is that connceting to what we value settles me(us). Helps me(us) to focus on what's important. then the protection and restoration question makes more sense to me.
If you don't know what you value, you and your anger may try to protect things that aren't worth procting, and you try to protect and restore old behaviors that don't have andy meaning or value any more. if you don't know what you value, your anger may careen around like a pinball and you may lose you way.
Discover what you what you value and your work of protection and restoration may become more valid, more honorable and more effective.
Join me next week as "Jennifer's Perspectives" as our topic of discussion will be " Shame loves shadows". Until them with love xo