Self-Care is not as simple as taking baths, lighting candles and pampering yourself, it’s allowing yourself the time to feel your emotions and tell yourself you’re doing great, who you are today is okay, all of you is enough, more than enough. Tune into this weeks episode of "Jennifer's Perspective" to learn the steps to take, to develop and practice true self-care and self-compassion so that you can bring more love and light into your life.
So how do you take the first step to tune into your emotions?
So the first step is knowing the language of emotions. this is called " What your feelings are trying to tell you. Happiness, sadiness, disappoinment, resentment, I believe shame is also on that list and is generally not talked about. Just basic emotions, Joy sadness, they're the basic emotions.
" We were taught math and logic, we were taught art and music, we were taught PE and we were taught reading, writing and languages. But in regards to our emotions, our interpersonal skills, and our intrapersonal skills, we were just suppose to have figured it out some how.
Maybe our musical and artistic intelligences were accessed in school and probably our bodliy, sports focused abilities were too. We certainly didn't learn that anger helps us set effective boundaries, that fear is our intiution or that sadness helps us relax and let go of things we don't need any way.
As adults, we tend to need therapists, counsleors, and psychiatrists to help us access our emotions and our interpersonal and intrapersonal intellegences. Even though these intellegences belong to us and are essential to pretty much everything we do.
It's not surprising, then, we don't know what emotions are, what they want, or what they do. It's also not surprising that we're left to create a ground under the emotions by ourselves. For instance, sadness in it's mood state slows us down and make us stop pretending.
Sadness arises when it's time to let go of something that isn't working anyway. If you try, you can truly let go then relaxation and rejuvenation will follow. It's here that we ask the questions what must be released? What must be rejuevenated? This might be an idea, an attitude, a possession, a stance and ideology, a belief, a relationship or a way of behaving in the world etc..that no longer works for you.
Sadness has a kind of alchemical magic to it, sadness is about letting go and letting go means that you'll be freer than you were before (when you were holding on tightly to something that was honestly not working).
When you can listen to your sadness and work with it empathically, you'll experience relaxation, spaciouness and a sense of rejuevanation. Sadness helps you let go, relax rejuvenate yourself and comefully into the present moment--not because your chasing after happiness or any other allegedly positive emotions, (there is no such thing as positive emotions.) Because you know how to let things go rejuevenate yourself. And when you let go your sadness will recede naturally (because you've attended to it skillfully), and other emotions will arise depending on your situation and your needs.
Sadly most of us haven't been taught to approach sadness in this way, so that when it arises, we tend to lose our way. Before we talk about the billions of ways that we have been socialized to distrust, repress and squelch our natural.
Breath in deeply until you feel at of tension in your chest and ribcage, and hold your breath in for a count of three. ( Don't create too much tension. If your uncomfortable, let some air out before you hold your breath.)
As you breath out, let your body go limp, relax your chest and shoulders, and feel the tension leaving your body. Let your arms hang loosely, relax your body and let go.
Breath in deeply again, until you feel a slight tension. Hold your breath for a count of three, and this time sigh deeply as you exhale and relax your body. Repeat one more time, and sigh out loud as you exhale and let go. If you feel relax and bit less tense thank the emotion that helped you. Thank the sadness!
I intentionally envoked your sadness by creating something that did't work or feel right--- is the tension that you felt when you held your breath. I intentionally had you perform the actions that your sadness required. (All emotions require different actions.) The sadness--specific actions involve relaxing, releasing, and letting go. Simple.
Sadness is simply a wonderful emotion that helps you let go of things that isn't working for you, such as tension, muscle tightness, and what I call "soldering on behaviors" Sadness brings you a kind of fluidity, to a tight, tense, arid body. Sadness is a gorgeous emotion that brings you to the irreplaceable gift of letting go.
Join me next week on Jennifer's Perspectives" as we continue our discussion on SELF-COMPASSION Learning to value your anger, Understanding and befriending your anger, But is it really anger?