• Let The Brightness Of Your Light Shine

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson.

    How brightly can you shine? How big can you radiate your light? What if we all shone brightly? The world would be aglow.

    And yet…

    Every day most of us hold back. We dim our light so that others won’t be uncomfortable – so they won’t feel left out – or left in the dust by the people they love. When a bright light shines, it makes people nervous, but I detect a lie here – is it an illusion?

    What is your light? It’s a combination of all that you are, were, and endeavor to be. It’s your personal strengths, natural gifts, and even your physical vitality and health that combine into a kind of energy, a light, that shines out to the world.

    It’s who you are, at your core.  It’s the fullest expression of who you are, your personal vibration, beliefs, hopes, and more. It’s that part of you where you honor your “goodness” and “darkness,” and accept your true thoughts, experiences, and desires.

    When you are in touch with your light, shine it up, let it out, and share it, it is seen and felt by the people who know you, and even people who just experience you in daily life. And it feels good to you because you’re honoring who you are, in total.

    But too often we dim our light, and it leads to us feeling depressed, repressed, and like we are living a half life.

    You can think of dimming your light as shrinking to fit into someone else’s expectations of you, cramming your energetic self into a box, or twisting your personality into a pretzel so as to be more palatable to the world. But it’s a half-truth. You’re still you, but you’re not the full expression of you. A half-you. And it stops you from feeling like yourself. It’s a half-true, inauthentic existence which doesn’t light up ourselves, or anyone else.

    HERE ARE THREE WAYS WE DIM OUR LIGHT:

    1. Hiding our views, opinions, desires, and boundaries from others in an effort to be liked and feel safe. We minimize our true feelings because people tell us what we feel isn’t real, or we try to ignore our truth because it’s not convenient for others.

    2. Mistaking our light for our accomplishments, bank account, or external validation of our worth.

    3. Over exerting ourselves, doing too much for everyone else, and blowing a fuse because we run out of steam from overwork and stress.

    We dim our light energetically so as not to shine too bright.

    We worry that if we let out who we really are, shine our fullest expression, that we’ll be made fun of, ignored,or made wrong for “thinking we are all that.” We fear being kicked out of our tribe of friends or family.

    And this fear is real: either because you were told as a kid that you were “too much,” or experienced being “mean girled” or “shunned” out of a group when you were growing up, you hide our truth, strengths, and light because it’s better to be safely accepted as part of the group than left out in the cold, alone.

    Second, we mistake our light with accomplishment, financial success, and other external validation. We ignore the basic truth that we are and have a natural light, are inherently loved and are worthy of love by the Universe, and continue to chase something outside of us.

    We want to be told we are acceptable, rather than feeling into our innate acceptance of ourselves.  The truth that’s easy to believe logically, yet hard to embody, is that we are all worthy beings. You are worthy and valuable simply because you exist.

    This is a truth that great spiritual teachers have been reminding us of since humans could doubt themselves. It’s the truth that we know about our children, yet don’t extend to ourselves. So even though you may not totally feel it yet, try my belief on for size, as if I were lending you a cozy sweatshirt: YOU, my dear, are worthy and lovable. Just as you are.

    Finally, there are the ways that we overextend ourselves, giving away all of our energy, all of our light, so that our fuse begins to buckle under the pressure, and we blow out.

     


  • Feel To Heal:Stages of Inner Healing

    FEEL TO HEAL: THE STAGES OF INNER WORK

    People are either revolving or evolving. They are either repeating the patterns and problems of the past and in turn, living life on repeat. Or they are learning from experience and evolving into a deeper more fuller versions of themselves.

    The reason so many people despite really trying, stay with the same problems is that they stay in the world of thoughts and don't know how to access how they feel. To change a pattern or problem we must be able to connect thoughts and feelings.

    Though being able to articulate the problem, with language that allows us to express how we feel about it, we can change it and actually heal.

    To heal, first we must feel what we have been suppressing, ignoring, hiding or distracting ourselves from. A lot of people intellectualize their pain. They completely "understand" their messed-upness", but can't seem to move through it.

    Trapped emotions will cause stress, anxiety, lower our energy and in a lot of people cause back pain and illness. There is not beleif, change or quick fix technique that can replace simply feeling and accepting our pain. We can heal it for good.

    When we feel it we can set our feelings free, simply by embracing them like we should embrace a small child. Sit there and be with them without judgement or the need to fix. Just hold them with Love.

    "IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW"

    We suppress feelings because we are not ready for them. It's a natural response to defend. We suppressed them because at the time, they were too painful to feel.

    But when they surface, they surface because we are now ready to experience them. It's our bodie's way of saying "You are ready, you have got this.'

    They are no feelings that are " too much". Although it may feel that way at times, it's just not possible. We are completely designed to feel all our feelings. Even the crappy ones.

    Loneliness...Abandonment...Ugliness...Self-Consciouness...Scared Worthless...

    When we heal pain these are just some of the feelings that are coming our way. We don't heal through our good times, running away, drinking or doing drugs. We heal through accepting our "stuff".

    Through accepting our "stuff", we come out of the shadows and we allow our light to shine.

    xoxo

    Jennifer

     

     

     

     

     

     


  • Putting your Anger to Good Use

    Putting Your Anger To Good Use

    To identify what's happening when people feel specific emotions. For instance when we say we're angry, what is occuring? What are the situations that call forth an anger response and how  does that anger address what's happening? How does anger support or impede us? And what is anger's purpose?

    HOW DOES ANGER WORK? HOW DOES MY EMOTIONS WORK?

    Over the years, I have asked that question of all my emotions (WHY), not in regards to how you or I may feel in our bodies (that is unique to each person), or how they look but in regards to what they do (facial expressions of emotionss are not reliable signals.) What work do your emotions do, and what can you accomplish with their help? And how can you engage with them directly once you understand how they work?

    The purpose of anger for instance is, to help us identify what's important to you and help set clear and effective boundaries around the things you value    (and around yourself). Whether your anger arises at the soft level of peevishness or frustration, or at the intense level of bitterness or hostility, your anger is about boundaries.

    I had to ask myself a few questions. Why do (did) I get so angry? What must be protected? What must be restored? I've been thinking about this a great deal. For many people including myself "Anger: is tied up with violence in some way either, violence towards others when anger is expressed carelessly--or violence towards themselves.  When anger is expressed and they refuse to speak up or set boundaries for themselves. 

    Anger’s job is to help you set and maintain effective interpersonal boundaries. At its most subtle level, anger helps you uphold mutual respect and keep open the lines of communication in your relationships. 

    Anger is a way to translate sadness into something powerful. This is why guys are very comfortable with anger, but what they're really saying is, I can translate fear or sadness into something that gives me power. So that's your secondary emotion, anger is really and expression of a boundary violation that we've violated within ourselves or someone's violated, but that's where people go comfortably. What I have been finding is that connecting to what we value settles me (us). Helps me (us) to focus on what's important. Then the protection and restoration questions makes more sense to me.

    We’ve all been on the wrong end of someone’s badly managed anger, and we’ve all used anger as a bludgeon (or sarcasm as a stiletto). In fact, when most of us think of anger, we see a red-faced bull or something like it. Anger has a pretty terrible reputation.

    However, people can also experience a great deal of pain and trouble in their lives if they don’t have enough anger — so let’s look at anger empathically.

    The protection question seemed to engage that violence, which is why (I) or people couldn't undrstand (or even see) The restoration question it didn't compute to me (them).

    Identifying what (I) you value. What must be protected and what must restored?

    After having many conversations with myself, my mentors, family member's and therapist, what I have been finding is that connceting to what we value settles me(us). Helps me (us) to focus on what's important. Then the protection and restoration questions makes more sense to me.

    If you don't know what you value, you and your anger may try to protect things that aren't worth protecting, and you try to protect and restore old behaviors that don't have andy meaning or value any more. If you don't know what you value, your anger may careen around like a pinball and you may lose your way.

    Discover what you value and your work of protection and restoration may become more valid, more honorable and more effective. Anger arises to address challenges to your standpoint, your position, your interpersonal boundaries, or yourself image. Your task is to restore your sense of self and your interpersonal boundaries without violating the boundaries of others. Your anger will also step in when others are being challenged or devalued, and your task is to address and restore the boundaries of all parties.

     

    xoxo

    Je​​​​nnifer

     


  • How to Practice Self Care: Sadness

    Self-Care is not as simple as taking baths, lighting candles and pampering yourself, it’s allowing yourself the time to feel your emotions and tell yourself you’re doing great, who you are today is okay, all of you is enough, more than enough. Tune into this weeks episode of "Jennifer's Perspective" to learn the steps to take, to develop and practice true self-care and self-compassion so that you can bring more love and light into your life.

    So how do you take the first step to tune into your emotions?

    So the first step is knowing the language of emotions. this is called " What your feelings are trying to tell you. Happiness, sadiness, disappoinment, resentment, I believe shame is also on that list and is generally not talked about. Just basic emotions, Joy sadness, they're the basic emotions.

    " We were taught math and logic, we were taught art and music, we were taught PE and we were taught reading, writing and languages. But in regards to our emotions, our interpersonal skills, and our intrapersonal skills, we were just suppose, to have figured it out some how.

    Maybe our musical and artistic intelligences were accessed in school and probably our bodliy, sports focused abilities were too. We certainly didn't learn that anger helps us set effective boundaries, that fear is our intiution or that sadness helps us relax and let go of things we don't need any way.

    As adults, we tend to need therapists, counsleors, and psychiatrists to help us access our emotions and our interpersonal and intrapersonal intellegences. Even though these intellegences belong to us and are essential to pretty much everything we do.

    It's not surprising, then, we don't know what emotions are, what they want, or what they do. It's also not surprising that we're left to create a ground under the emotions by ourselves. For instance, sadness in it's, mood state, slows us down and make us stop pretending.

    Sadness arises when it's time to let go of something that isn't working anyway. If you try, you can truly let go then relaxation and rejuvenation will follow. It's here that we ask the questions what must be released? What must be rejuevenated? This might be an idea, an attitude, a possession, a stance and ideology, a belief, a relationship or a way of behaving in the world etc..that no longer works for you.

    Sadness has a kind of alchemical magic to it, sadness is about letting go and letting go means that you'll be freer than you were before (when you were holding on tightly to something that was honestly not working).

    When you can listen to your sadness and work with it emphatically, you'll experience relaxation, spaciouness and a sense of rejuvenation. Sadness helps you let go, relax rejuvenate yourself and come fully into the present moment--not because your chasing after happiness or any other allegedly positive emotions, (there is no such thing as positive emotions.) Because you know how to let things go rejuevenate yourself. And when you let go your sadness will recede naturally (because you've attended to it skillfully), and other emotions will arise depending on your situation and your needs.

    Sadly most of us haven't been taught to approach sadness in this way, so that when it arises, we tend to lose our way. Before we talk about the billions of ways that we have been socialized to distrust, repress and squelch our natural.

    Breath in deeply until you feel at of tension in your chest and ribcage, and hold your breath in for a count of three. ( Don't create too much tension. If your uncomfortable, let some air out before you hold your breath.)

    As you breath out, let your body go limp, relax your chest and shoulders, and feel the tension leaving your body. Let your arms hang loosely, relax your body and let go.

    Breath in deeply again, until you feel a slight tension. Hold your breath for a count of three, and this time sigh deeply as you exhale and relax your body.  Repeat one more time, and sigh out loud as you exhale and let go. If you feel relax and bit less tense thank the emotion that helped you. Thank the sadness!

    I intentionally envoked your sadness by creating something that didn't work or feel right--- is the tension that you felt when you held your breath. I intentionally had you perform the actions that your sadness required. (All emotions require different actions.) The sadness--specific actions involve relaxing, releasing, and letting go. Simple.

    Sadness is simply a wonderful emotion that helps you let go of things that isn't working for you, such as tension, muscle tightness, and what I call "soldering on behaviors" Sadness brings you a kind of fluidity, to a tight, tense, arid body. Sadness is a gorgeous emotion that brings you to the irreplaceable gift of letting go.

    Join me next week on Jennifer's Perspectives" as we continue our discussion on SELF-COMPASSION Learning to value your anger, Understanding and befriending your anger, But is it really anger?

     

     


  • 5 Reasons Why Everyone Should Tell Their Story

    Here are five reasons why you must share your message and work far and wide. This is something I thought about when listening to a commencement speech by Jim Carey at Maharishi University of Management where he spoke about his late father. Like Jim, his father was a very talented comedian but took a “safe” route in life as an accountant and abandoned comedy altogether. After years of working in this field to provide for his family, he lost his job. As a result, the family struggled for years. Jim promised himself to follow his dreams because, even if you don’t, you can still fail.

    So why not make your message your mission and ensure its success by getting “out there” fully? Alright, here are the 5 reasons!

    1. It’s fun! Doing what you love to do is invigorating, a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like work and could be the most joy you ever experience. What’s more important than this?

    2. The creator of the universe & the universe itself supports you. When you reach and serve others with your work, you tap into something greater than you. The creator of the universe wants you to use your unique talents and supports you when you do. Opportunities unfold. It’s just your job to keep taking the next step and letting more and more people discover what you have to offer the world.

    3. Creativity, ideas and energy FLOW When we share our important message, we connect with our divine source. And our gifts, even if we have not used them in years, never leave us. We just need to channel them. I had always loved reading personal development books, and sharing what I'd learned with friends, family and anyone who'd listen. But for almost 12 years I wrote nothing more than the emails in my job. You live an honest life Nothing is more important than being who you are here to be - it is your only true obligation to yourself and to the world. If you approach it with commitment and an open heart, the rewards will come.

    In her book titles Regrets of The Dying, Bonnie Ware, a hospice nurse, says many of the patients she nursed in their final days regretted most that they lived a life other people expected of them and not the life that they truly wanted to live. When we use our talents and step up in service to more and more people, we don’t leave room for regret.

    5. You can take baby steps — every single stride forward counts Imagine if your favorite coach, mentor, musician, author, inventor, chef, athlete or architect didn’t come into your life. Your life wouldn’t be as great, right? When you allow people to discover you who need what you can offer them, you’re improving their lives, too. You are in fact being selfish when you play small and don’t share your gifts with others. Whether it's advice, a service or a product, there are people all around the world that need you.

    It can be loud. It can be quiet. It can be spoken. It can be written. It can be drawn.

    It doesn’t matter who you are either. Maybe you’re still a teenager or younger. Maybe you’re in college. Maybe you’re from the south or another country. Maybe you grew up with money or struggled to makes end meet. You don’t have to have letters behind your name yet (or at all). It doesn’t matter what your experience is. Actually, it’s needed. Various voices are needed.

    It matters. Whatever it is. Your involvement and your voice matters, whatever that may mean. It’s not all or nothing either.

    Everyone has a story. In fact, everyone has many many stories. And they don’t need to be big stories to make a connection, shift a perspective, make an impact. Have you thought that you should use more story to empower your work, get more clients, inspire others to action or just be more authentically self-expressed.

    Even the smallest and most spontaneous stories can come alive to pull an audience to you. Whether its a story from your personal experience or just an issue you care about. Sharing your stories is ultimately about stepping into leadership and talking about what matters to you.

    With Love

    Jennifer

     

     

     

     

     

    With love.

    xoxo

    Jennifer 😘