• JENNIFER'S PERSPECTIVE ON HOW TO PRACTICE SELF-CARE

    Self-Care is not as simple as taking a bubble baths, lighting candles, and pampering yourself, it's allowing yourself time to feel the emotions and tell yourself that you're doing great, that who you are today in the now moment is okay, and that all of you is more than enough. Tune into Jennifer's Perspectives to learn the steps to take to develope and practice true Self-Care and Self-Compassion so that you can bring more love and light to your life and shine bright and live your best life.

    KEY TOPICS

    Continuing the conversation on compassion..What is Self-Compassion?

    What does it really mean to have compassion for yourself?

    Often as soon as you say compassion, people think that it is something that you have to bring to people. Seeing myself accurately and accepting myself which is always and unfolding journey. Every time that I think that I know myself, then a year later I look back and realize that I knew nothing.

    One of my favorite lines from the Games of Thrones is quote" You Know Nothing John Snow" Because every year when I think I am getting a clue, a year goes by (past) and I realize you know nothing Jennifer.

    Self-Compassion is not my strong suit. I always strive so much and I want to grow so much, and I want to learn so much, pursuing, God who is my source and creator, wisdom and knowledge. Pausing long enough to reflect. "You're okay, you're okay just as you are, you're doing okay" instead of striving for the next thing to "be okay".

    That's been a part of my addiction for years and I've been working for 15 years now on enjoying the pauses, the breaths, as much as the run, the sprint and as much as the marathon.

    It is still my slick. This journey for me of Self-Compassion is accepting me as I am in this very moment and being totally okay with it and about it, including all of my flaws. But to say that I accept myself, I've got to see myself accurately first.

    So to me Self-Compassion isn't and arrival point it is an ever unfolding moments of learning more about who I am and who I could be and how I am showing up.

    It's not as simple as having baths and lighting candles and meditating. Self-Compassion is I am doing great! Who I am today "is okay" and all of me is more than enough. "I am more than enough".

    So it's not just bath salts and candles and mood lighting.

    What people call Self-Care, It's a much deeper reflection within ourselves. Am I showing up in this moment taking care of me? You know people pleasers, this is for you. People pleasing, is suppressing me, Self-Compassion is expressing me, what I need in this moment.

    Self-Compassion is feeling it, noticing I feel it, acknowledging I feel it, expressing I feel it and then the ultimate is having acknowledge that appropriately and compassionately, that's Self-Compassion.

    Compassion could probably be measured by how people allow you to express and reflet it back to you accurately, respectfully and approriately and fully not just the bits and aspects that they are comfortable with but the bits and aspects of it all.

    Join me next week on Jennifer's Persectives" as we continue our discussion on SELF-COMPASSION and What is self-compassion and What does it mean to have compassion for yourself.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     


  • JENNIFER'S PERSPECTIVES If People Can’t Handle The Brightness Of Your Light, Give Them Some Shades

    The title of today’s article, I must confess, is not mine. I heard it from the incredible motivational speaker, author and goddess, Lisa Nichols, just last month at the eWomen’s Network conference in Dallas, Houston. It was the punch line of her speech. Pow!

    Bestselling author and motivational speaker, Marianne Williamson: It is one of my favorite quotes ever, and gosh darn it, I well up every time:

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson.

    How brightly can you shine? How big can you radiate your light? What if we all shone brightly? The world would be aglow.

    And yet…

    Every day most of us hold back. We dim our light so that others won’t be uncomfortable – so they won’t feel left out – or left in the dust by the people they love. When a bright light shines, it makes people nervous, but I detect a lie here – is it an illusion?

    What is your light? It’s a combination of all that you are, were, and endeavor to be. It’s your personal strengths, natural gifts, and even your physical vitality and health that combine into a kind of energy, a light, that shines out to the world.

    It’s who you are, at your core.  It’s the fullest expression of who you are, your personal vibration, beliefs, hopes, and more. It’s that part of you where you honor your “goodness” and “darkness,” and accept your true thoughts, experiences, and desires.

    When you are in touch with your light, shine it up, let it out, and share it, it is seen and felt by the people who know you, and even people who just experience you in daily life. And it feels good to you because you’re honoring who you are, in total.

    But too often we dim our light, and it leads to us feeling depressed, repressed, and like we are living a half life.

    You can think of dimming your light as shrinking to fit into someone else’s expectations of you, cramming your energetic self into a box, or twisting your personality into a pretzel so as to be more palatable to the world. But it’s a half-truth. You’re still you, but you’re not the full expression of you. A half-you. And it stops you from feeling like yourself. It’s a half-true, inauthentic existence which doesn’t light up ourselves, or anyone else.

    HERE ARE THREE WAYS WE DIM OUR LIGHT:

    1. Hiding our views, opinions, desires, and boundaries from others in an effort to be liked and feel safe. We minimize our true feelings because people tell us what we feel isn’t real, or we try to ignore our truth because it’s not convenient for others.
    2. Mistaking our light for our accomplishments, bank account, or external validation of our worth.
    3. Over exerting ourselves, doing too much for everyone else, and blowing a fuse because we run out of steam from overwork and stress.

    We dim our light energetically so as not to shine too bright.

    We worry that if we let out who we really are, shine our fullest expression, that we’ll be made fun of, ignored,or made wrong for “thinking we are all that.” We fear being kicked out of our tribe of friends or family.

    And this fear is real: either because you were told as a kid that you were “too much,” or experienced being “mean girled” or “shunned” out of a group when you were growing up, you hide our truth, strengths, and light because it’s better to be safely accepted as part of the group than left out in the cold, alone.

    Second, we mistake our light with accomplishment, financial success, and other external validation. We ignore the basic truth that we are and have a natural light, are inherently loved and are worthy of love by the Universe, and continue to chase something outside of us.

    We want to be told we are acceptable, rather than feeling into our innate acceptance of ourselves.  The truth that’s easy to believe logically, yet hard to embody, is that we are all worthy beings. You are worthy and valuable simply because you exist.

    This is a truth that great spiritual teachers have been reminding us of since humans could doubt themselves. It’s the truth that we know about our children, yet don’t extend to ourselves. So even though you may not totally feel it yet, try my belief on for size, as if I were lending you a cozy sweatshirt: YOU, my dear, are worthy and lovable. Just as you are.

    Finally, there are the ways that we overextend ourselves, giving away all of our energy, all of our light, so that our fuse begins to buckle under the pressure, and we blow out.

    8 WARNING SIGNS YOUR INNER LIGHT IS ABOUT TO BLOW A FUSE:

    • Don’t have as much energy as you used to
    • Can’t focus for as long as you used to
    • Emotional eating is out of control to deal with the stress of inauthentic feelings
    • Feel grouchy and snap at people easily
    • Not reaching your goals, failing to follow through to the end
    • Repeating mistakes over and over
    • Feeling overwhelmed
    • More emotional or experiencing big swings in your moods
    • Not sleeping well, or not feeling refreshed after a full night’s sleep

    And it has a real-life cost: you burn out and end up relying on sugar and caffeine more and more, to keep the fires burning. You overwork, people-please, and

    But the fire burns out, because your dear body is holding on to unexpressed anger and sadness about not being listened to, and your soul is crying out for full expression and acceptance. And there is one, huge, unacknowledged factor that may be at play here:

    Maybe you’re intentionally overeating or eating foods you KNOW drain your energy so that you have a really good reason to take yourself out of the game.

    LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE: HOW WE DIM OUR BRILLIANCE AND HOW TO STOP IT

    There is a part of you that’s scared to be seen, stand out, and make an impact. Dimming your own light with excess weight, hormonal and digestive issues, or other health problems is a secret strategy, hidden at the back of your mind, to stay safely unseen.

    Does that feel true, even a little bit?

    Maybe that idea makes you mad.

    Maybe you’re seeing it for what it is, and are ready to stop.

    If so, you’re not alone.

    We do get angry with ourselves, like we’re locked in a war between our light-craving self, and our frightened light-dimming self.

    Part of you is mad that you are doing yourself harm. Part of you is angry that you’re self-sabotaging. And another part of you is angry at the unjust culture we live in that forces you to squash your light. In my next blog, I’ll share more about the beautiful possibilities hidden within your anger.

    For now, trust me when I write to you: your light is a reflection of nature, the divine, universal energy that keeps the stars burning and the planets moving.

    Your light is worthy, beautiful, and I see it shining brightly within you, even now.

    Nothing you can do will ever dim that light completely. You can never hide it from those of us who wish to see it, and honor your true strengths and greatness.

    From my light to yours,

    xoxo

    Jennifer

     

     

     

     


  • JENNIFE'S PERSPECTIVES FEEL TO HEAL: STAGES OF INNER HEALING

    FEEL TO HEAL: THE STAGES OF INNER WORK

    People are either revolving or evolving. They are either reporting the patterns and problems of the past and in urn, living life on repeat. Or they are learning from experience and evolving into a deeper more fuller versions of themselves.

    The reason so many people despite really trying, stay with the same problems is that they stay in the world of thoughts and don't know how to access how they feel. To change a pattern or problem we must be able to connect thoughts and feelings.

    Though being able to articulate the problem, with language that allows us to express how we feel about it, we can change it and actually heal.

    To heal, first we must feel what we have been suppressing, ignoring, hiding or distracting ourselves from. A lot of people intellectualize their pain. They completely "understand" their messed-upness", but can't seem to move through it.

    Trapped emotions will cause stress, anxiety, lower our energy and in a lot of people cause back pain and illness. There is not beleif, change or quick fix technique that can replace simply feeling and accepting our pain. We can heal it for good.

    When we feel it we can set our feelings free, simply by embracing them like we should embrace a small child. Sit there and be with them without judgement or the need to fix. Just hold them with Love.

    "IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW"

    We suppress feelings because we are not ready for them. It's a natural response to defend. We suppressed them because at the time, they were too painful to feel.

    But when they surface, they surface because we are now ready to experience them. It's our bodie's way of saying "You are ready, you have got this.'

    They are no feelings that are " too much". Although it may feel that way at times, it's just not possible. We are completely designed to feel all our feelings. Even the crappy ones.

    Loneliness...Abandonment...Ugliness...Self-Consciouness...Scared Worthless...

    When we heal pain these are just some of the feelings that are coming our way. We don't heal through our good times, running away, drinking or doing drugs. We heal through accepting our "stuff".

    Through accepting our "stuff", we come out of the shadows and we allow our light to shine.

    xoxo

    Jennifer

     

     

     

     

     

     


  • JENNIFER'S PERSPECTIVES HOW TO PRACTICE SELF-CARE "Learning to value to your anger"

    LEARNING TO VALUE YOUR ANGER

     

    To identify what's happening when people feel specific emotions. For instance when we say we're angry, what is occuring? What are the situations that call forth an anger response and how  does that anger address what's happening? How does anger support or impede us? And what is anger's purpose?

    HOW DOES ANGER WORK? HOW DOES MY EMOTIONS WORK?

    Over the years, I have asked that question of all my emotions (WHY), not in regards to how you or I may feel in our bodies (that is unique to each person), or how they look but in regards to what they do (facial expressions of emotionss are not reliable signals.) What work do your emaotions do, and what can you accomplish with their help? And how can you engage with them directly once you understand how they work?

    They purpose of anger for instance is, to help us identify what's important to you and help clear set clear and effective boundaries around the things you value( and around yourself). Whether your anger arises at the soft level of peevishness or frustration, or at the intense level of bitterness or hostility, your anger is about boundaries.

    I had to ask myself a few questions. Why do (did) get so angry? What must be protected? What must be restored? I've been thinking about this a great deal. For many people including myself "Anger: is tied up with violence in some way either, violence towards others when anger is expressed carelessly--or violence towards themselves.  When anger is expressed and they refuse to speak up or set bouondaries for themselves. 

    Anger is a way to translate sadness into something powerful. This is why a guys are very comfortable with anger, but what they're really saying is I can translate fear or sadness into something that gives me power. so that's your secondary emotion, anger is really and expression of a boundary violation that we've violated within ourselvs or someone's violated  but that's where people go comfortabley.

    The protection question seemed to engage that violence , which is why (I) or people couldn't undrstand ( or even see) The restoration question it didn't compute to me (them).

    Identifying what (I) you value. What must be protected and what must restored?

    After having many converstations with myself, my mentors and family member's what I have been finding is that connceting to what we value settles me(us). Helps me(us) to focus on what's important. then the protection and restoration question makes more sense to me.

    If  you don't know what you value, you and your anger may try to protect things that aren't worth procting, and you try to protect and restore old behaviors that don't have andy meaning or value any more. if you don't know what you value, your anger may careen around like a pinball and you  may lose you way.

    Discover what you what you value and your work of protection and restoration may become more valid, more honorable and more effective.

    Join me next week as "Jennifer's Perspectives" as our topic of discussion will be " Shame loves shadows". Until them with love xo

    Je​​​​nnifer

     


  • "JENNIFER'S PERSPECTIVES" HOW TO PRACTICE SELF-CARE (PT-2) (Sadness)

    Self-Care is not as simple as taking baths, lighting candles and pampering yourself, it’s allowing yourself the time to feel your emotions and tell yourself you’re doing great, who you are today is okay, all of you is enough, more than enough. Tune into this weeks episode of "Jennifer's Perspective" to learn the steps to take, to develop and practice true self-care and self-compassion so that you can bring more love and light into your life.

    So how do you take the first step to tune into your emotions?

    So the first step is knowing the language of emotions. this is called " What your feelings are trying to tell you. Happiness, sadiness, disappoinment, resentment, I believe shame is also on that list and is generally not talked about. Just basic emotions, Joy sadness, they're the basic emotions.

    " We were taught math and logic, we were taught art and music, we were taught PE and we were taught reading, writing and languages. But in regards to our emotions, our interpersonal skills, and our intrapersonal skills, we were just suppose to have figured it out some how.

     

    Maybe our musical and artistic intelligences were accessed in school and probably our bodliy, sports focused abilities were too. We certainly didn't learn that anger helps us set effective boundaries, that fear is our intiution or that sadness helps us relax and let go of things we don't need any way.

    As adults, we tend to need therapists, counsleors, and psychiatrists to help us access our emotions and our interpersonal and intrapersonal intellegences. Even though these intellegences belong to us and are essential to pretty much everything we do.

    It's not surprising, then, we don't know what emotions are, what they want, or what they do. It's also not surprising that we're left to create a ground under the emotions by ourselves. For instance, sadness in it's mood state slows us down and make us stop pretending.

    Sadness arises when it's time to let go of something that isn't working anyway. If you try, you can truly let go then relaxation and rejuvenation will follow. It's here that we ask the questions what must be released? What must be rejuevenated? This might be an idea, an attitude, a possession, a stance and ideology, a belief, a relationship or a way of behaving in the world etc..that no longer works for you.

    Sadness has a kind of alchemical magic to it, sadness is about letting go and letting go means that you'll be freer than you were before (when you were holding on tightly to something that was honestly not working).

    When you can listen to your sadness and work with it empathically, you'll experience relaxation, spaciouness and a sense of rejuevanation. Sadness helps you let go, relax rejuvenate yourself and comefully into the present moment--not because your chasing after happiness or any other allegedly positive emotions, (there is no such thing as positive emotions.) Because you know how to let things go rejuevenate yourself. And when you let go your sadness will recede naturally (because you've attended to it skillfully), and other emotions will arise depending on your situation and your needs.

    Sadly most of us haven't been taught to approach sadness in this way, so that when it arises, we tend to lose our way. Before we talk about the billions of ways that we have been socialized to distrust, repress and squelch our natural.

    Breath in deeply until you feel at of tension in your chest and ribcage, and hold your breath in for a count of three. ( Don't create too much tension. If your uncomfortable, let some air out before you hold your breath.)

    As you breath out, let your body go limp, relax your chest and shoulders, and feel the tension leaving your body. Let your arms hang loosely, relax your body and let go.

    Breath in deeply again, until you feel a slight tension. Hold your breath for a count of three, and this time sigh deeply as you exhale and relax your body.  Repeat one more time, and sigh out loud as you exhale and let go. If you feel relax and bit less tense thank the emotion that helped you. Thank the sadness!

    I intentionally envoked your sadness by creating something that did't work or feel right--- is the tension that you felt when you held your breath. I intentionally had you perform the actions that your sadness required. (All emotions require different actions.) The sadness--specific actions involve relaxing, releasing, and letting go. Simple.

    Sadness is simply a wonderful emotion that helps you let go of things that isn't working for you, such as tension, muscle tightness, and what I call "soldering on behaviors" Sadness brings you a kind of fluidity, to a tight, tense, arid body. Sadness is a gorgeous emotion that brings you to the irreplaceable gift of letting go.

    Join me next week on Jennifer's Perspectives" as we continue our discussion on SELF-COMPASSION Learning to value your anger, Understanding and befriending your anger, But is it really anger?

     

     



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